I'm Not Privileged... I'm a "person of colour"

I just got back from a National Youth Anti-Racism Network (NYAN) conference. Picture this:

1. The 17 year old secretary of the executive board for the National Chinese Council
2. The 20 year old bi-lingual grassroots organizer who is recognized by the Canadian Race Relations Foundation as the anti-racism organizer of the year.
3. The 25 year old west coast First Nations (or "Native") person who calls you brother and sister and discusses colonialism without any sound of bitterness in thier voice.
4. The 25 queer person of colour whose statements sound like questions (always ending in a high pitch), as they challenege your white, middle class privilege
5. The emcee, dressed in the conscious colours (brown, beige, yellow) who believes that hip hop was created as a tool of resistence to speak out against racial discrimination in the late 1950's.
   

And then there's me. The cynic. The person who enjoyed being invited as a facilitator at this conference and flown in from the other side of the country to "engage in critical dialogue" about anti-racism and issues and ideas to mobilize these community practioners for "positive change", but believes that even these anti-racist, super conscious, "aware of my privilege", army fatigue wearing, dread locked hair (even if it's blonde), vegan, queer loving, university educated young people need to check their egos at the door.

Case in point. After a morning session of "Privilege 101" I was certain that people were prepared to do my workshop: Re:Defintion, the appropriation of labels, their meanings, and ownership of language. Our mission was simple: Give a set of predetermined words to a small group and tell them to label 3 issues, one of which is hip hop.

Suddenly these activists had a bone to pick with us "censoring them". The soapbox rant began in some corners. Others looked at the labels we gave them and then at other groups, to find the "safe" way out. They spun in circles, some frantically, asking questions, running to the washroom just to escape the pressure and exchanging nervous glances with us, the facilitators. Strange Fruit just played in the background.

I laughed. It was funny to watch these "grassroots leaders of tomorrow" get pissed off, nervous and confused about how to think in other shoes, that is- thinking from the perspective of the larger sect of society who has no clue about the "anti-racism movement in Canada".

The activity was repeated without providing pre-determined labels and the freedom to create their own "labels". Just as predicted all of the anti-racist jargon came up. Inclusive, violation of rights, patriarchy, oppressed, empowered and the list goes on. After seeing all this, we asked, "when you speak your language of anti-racism, what language do you use? What language does the media use? Which is better understood?". I could see the "yeah, but..." in their eyes, but they didn't bother. They knew what we were trying to say.

Stop preaching to the choir. Get out of your comfort zone and stop talking about privilege by charging them of "colonialist practices" and walking away. And why do middle class people of colour think that they have no privilege?

One chick got called on it. A masters student, born and raised in white bread Guelph, started our session by stating that issues of creating safe spaces aren't necessary because we all know how to be safe and cautious. Someone responded by highlighting her education, and organization affliations as reasons why she might take issues of "safety" for granted. My girl batted her lashes and said "yeah, but like, i don't really get it." So it was broken down some more: You are a university educated light skinned woman from a middle class background who owns a home and has never lived in subsidized housing. Some people here may not have even finished high school, still live in public housing, and their darker skin puts them on the lower rungs of the ladder as "desireable" by the "mainstream". Creating safety is a way to make sure that everyone can participate. Her response: "Don't judge me. I'm just as oppressed as everyone here. I have no privilege. I'm brown (South Asian/Indian)"

The rest of the conference was full of unrealistic optimists who, as my new found friend Shane pointed out, can eliminate racism in one single email. Every suggestion was, we'll start a network and email you to let you know that we exist. Everyone scowled at Toronto for wanting to hold the organizations accountable and find out how individual anti-racism projects could be sustained with this NYAN network. They seem to forget that people who have the time to voluntarily meet 3 times a week to plan, develop strategies for anti-racist organizing must either a) live at home and not pay rent or; b) make so much money that they can afford to volunteer. Either way it's privilege. Sadly, nobody but myself and a few others realized this.

By the end, my only thought was, "thank goodness they paid for my flight, hotel food because this was a soapbox session wasn't worthy of my hard earned cash".