7 Minutes of the rest of my life

Everyone has a story. Here's mine.

I woke up early to get to work, only to spend an unplanned 30 minutes watching some anorexic, 40 year old with a 12 year old's body, circus school reject in a bridal vail and lacy white grandma undies (they said it was "sexy") contort her body, flip, spin and twirl in what looked like a life sized hampster wheel. I really don't understand people who do this. Is your life that devoid of meaning?

Then again, I was watching it... all of it (commercials too).

Because of my fascination with lady lusty in the lacy grandma undies playing in her life size hampster wheel, I left home late. To make up for lost time (and money) I took a cab to the subway to make up for lost time.

My nose is sensitive. I can smell funky body odour covered up by thick layers of deoderant, applied on after a visit to hygeiene section of the grocery store through 3 layers of clothes and goose down jacket. I'm the kind of chick that makes guys afraid to have "lady friends" because I can smell her cheap-ass-drug-store-bought-on-sale-in-the-clearance-section-body mist that makes you hack or do the smokers cough when you get too close to her cuz the shit stinks so bad and cuss you out for being friends with the cheap bitch. This heightened sense of smell would make you think that I was blind or deaf, compensating for my loss of one senese, but nope, everything is in working order :)- That is, until today.

I couldn't smell anything in the cab. Maybe God was trying to tell me something (There are more important things in life than determining whether the cab driver showers with cheap, organic, fruit scented soap). Instead, my time was spent having a converstation with a cab driver who wasn't really a cab driver (yeah, I said the same thing too). He was a South Asian (Indian) man with an accent (sort of like that "you kicked my dog"-skit from a few years back) and without the turban. He almost fit the stereotype.

For the next seven minutes, my life changed. Well not, really, but it was an interesting cab ride. And it goes a lil somethin like this:

Minute 1 to minute 3:30:
He's chirpy- more awake than half the city. I presume that he'd been picking up fares since early in the morning. This is when I find out that he's really a real estate agent. Yeah, I thought the same thing: Then what are you doing driving a cab? At the red light, he proceeds to show me a legal size folder with his business card stapled to the top and plenty of top secret documents inside and tells me about a client he was trying to get a hold of to close a sale for a house in the suburbs. This client was a cab driver. So cabbie, who used to drive cabs before the real estate gig, brushed the dust off of his money mobile, turned on the transmitter and went to find this client.

At 7am, he found him, got his papers signed, and thought he could pick up some fares on his way back home. I was fare #2.

Minute 3:31-5:00
I commend him on his business sensibility to which he responds "Yes, I must work hard". He then tells me about his credentials- awards he's won, the number of houses he sold last year, how many billboards he has out, the total number of promotional material he's paid for and how he paid for it (cash). He says this to me 3 times in 3 different ways while I gaze out the window smiling at...nothing.

Minute 5:01 - 6:00
Flattery begins to enter the conversation. He tells me that I look like a young professional going places. He asks where I live and I look out the window fantasizing about the young professional life as a...(note to self: figure out what profession you want to pursue). Three seconds later, I bring him back to reality by telling him that I'm just a student. That doesn't phase him. He tells me that what I pay for rent I could use to pay for a mortgage. I roll my eyes.

Minute 6:01-6:45
He tries to reassure me and recounts his awards and track record. He hands me his flyer which has a picture of him sitting poised in a suit with a shave and a haircut. I giggle, and he looks at me through the rear view mirror and says "you refer someone to me, I'll give you $500. If they buy a house, I'll pay for their home inspection. I can do this" I tell him that I, nor anyone that I know is interested in buying a house.

Minute 6:46-7:00
He looks at me through that window again and says, "We must take the land back from those white people in government. Your people work too hard to rent and put money in a white man's pocket." He drives it home, by saying "I bet your landlord is an old white man, right". I sit quietly. He finishes by reminding me that our people (people of colour, i'm assuming) have worked too hard for centuries to not own a part of the land we helped build. He then hands me another business card and tells me that if there's anyone that is interested, I should send them to him and wait for that $500.

What a great way to start the day.